Who Can Understand?

A child that has been raised by a single parent faces their own set of circumstances separate from the parent. Other single parents I know have shared with me the unusual dilemmas they face trying to answer tough questions. They struggle in dealing with behavioral issues that seem to occur on a daily basis. They ask me, “What do I do?” “What would you do?” The best advice that I submit to you is to search for answers. Connect with other single parents, and parents who are married as well. I searched for years for a good church that understood and could help. I am now preparing myself through training, to help other single parents and their children deal with their needs, traumas, and pain.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
(Proverbs 16:22)

A study from the 2010 Journal of Psychology indicates that the self-esteem level of a child in a single parent family is lower than that of children raised by two parents. The article also states that they found the mother-daughter relationship suffers the most. Reason being is that girls formulate their world-view and confidence from the examples
of the mother. Certainly, the choices all of us make will eventually affect our children at some point in time.
Read the perspective of my daughters below:

“My mom has asked me to write a paragraph about what it was like growing up in a single parent household and how this has affected our lives. I think that as a child growing up I saw things much differently than I do today as an adult. As a child, I felt different and sometime jealous of the other kids that had 2 parents. I remember being really upset with my dad and hurt that he wasn’t there as much as we needed him. We went without a lot of things growing up, but I knew that my mom was doing everything she could to provide for us. I may not have understood this completely at the time, and I remember getting upset with my mom when I wanted new clothes or the Trapper Keeper that all the cool kids had. On one occasion, to show us that we really didn’t have enough money for the extras, my mom had me balance her checkbook. I still remember to this day how quickly the balance got smaller and smaller until there was almost nothing left after the bills were paid. This really helped to put things into perspective for me, and I think I appreciated my mom a little more after understanding her financial challenges. As an adult I feel more fortunate to have experienced more in life than most others my age.” S. Beyers

“It was hard to deal with growing up with a single parent because it meant mom had less time for me. She always worked a lot and didn’t have much money to do fun stuff. We were limited on a lot more than we would have been if dad had stayed. We would have learned from him as well. I still grew up strong, smart and healthy.” A Shick

“Growing up without a dad was very tough and it affected me in many ways. My outlook on men was that I didn’t trust them.I didn’t have a man around to look up to or learn from or be protected by. So, I just never felt that any man could be trusted, or be comfortable around. If my own dad didn’t want to stay around, how would I ever be able to trust a man? I think my self-confidence would have been a lot higher if I was accepted and loved by my dad. It would have helped me around boys. All the other girls had lots of guy friends, but I was shy, and always felt like a man would never want to be around me or accept me. I never got to talk about my dad or call him daddy, because he wasn’t there. Other kids would visit with their dads on the weekend, but I was always with my mom. It would have been nice to be around my dad too. I think it has made me realize how much my mom has done for me and my sisters, throughout the many
years of raising us without the help of our fathers. I now think that I never needed a dad. I’ve made it this far without one, and I don’t need one now.” P. Schoeffel

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